Our Family's Angel.

There is a new song out- well a semi-new song, that reminds me of our beautiful nephew who was too perfect for Earth. He died April 22, 2010 and it's still hard to cope with sometimes. Our nephew, Boston (Luca's oldest brother) said that he was born without eyes, so Luca had to go back to Heaven to get some. He was almost 4 at the time. I heard the song "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry on the radio (I don't know if I was extremely hormonal/emotional that day or what) but I started to bawling my eyes out while driving and listening it. It reminded me of our family's angel, Luca. I know my sister-in-law is still having a hard time with it and there is a verse in the song that makes me think of her..

Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She'll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, No
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The thing is, my sister-in-law is one of the strongest, most kind and loving women I've ever met. She would do anything for anyone. When this happened I was shocked that this could happen to HER. She is such a good person. But then I thought to myself, if it had happened to me.. I honestly don't think I would be able to go on. She managed to pick herself up and be strong for her two living children. God gives us trials in life, but nothing that we cannot manage. He knew that she would take this heartbreak and turn it into a way to serve and help others. Her faith helped and is still helping her pull through. 

Luca, I know that you are watching us from Heaven. I know you were there to send off your beautiful cousins Khloë and Nakona as they made their way into our ever-growing family. I know you were watching from up above as Boston rode his brand new Shark Bike, and when Mac decided he was old enough for big boy underwear. I know you watch your mom, who takes her grief and puts all that energy into helping others in similar situations- and you are so proud of her. 

We love you Luca Deon Clemens. We miss you, we cherish you and we remember that you are waiting for us. You have made such an impact on so many lives and we are blessed to have an angel in Heaven who smiles down on us day after day. I know I'll feel your spirit as Spencer, Khloë and I are sealed in the temple next April and I know you will be proud of us for taking that huge step towards seeing you again. 

We love and miss you. xoxox.

Car Failure.

Our Friday was pretty eventful, we were driving to T.J. Maxx to go pick up father's day presents for my dad and Keven, when out of the blue our car stops running. Luckily for us, we were on highway 89 and pulled off on a side street. Our oil light was on so Spence ran to the Chevron that was right down the street. Unlucky for us.. it was really hot and we had Khloë in the back seat. 

He got back and put the oil in and the car STILL wouldn't start. Of course, to make matters worse, this was the ONE time neither of us had our phone. He walked over to the apartment complex and started knocking on doors while Khloë and I sat in the shade on the sidewalk. A lady saw the car seat and stopped to see if she could help. Ironically, she was a mechanic. She tried to jump our car but it was a no-go. Unfortunately, she guessed it was the timing belt.. which can cause quite a bit of damage to your car in some cases.

Spence found someone who was going to come help. He and his wife pulled up behind us and none of us had any idea what we were doing. Spencer's dad was on Trek with the family and when he had tried his brother Alex it went to voicemail. My dad had just moved and I didn't have his home number memorized and he doesn't get cell phone service at his new place. So this guys wife offered to drive me home to get my cell phone. When we got there, my phone was dead. Dead! So I plugged it in and had to wait a couple minutes to get my dad's number and call him from Spencer's phone.

Just our luck, he was at the airport. My step-sister Sara was coming to visit from Guatemala and her flight was delayed. Our Friday night was turning out to be a fantastic one. We drove back to 89 and when we got there, our car was gone. Spence and this guy (who wasn't exactly buff..) had pushed our car a 1/4 a mile uphill to an empty parking lot while we waited for Alex to come tow us home. 

It was getting pretty hot and I walked over to Maverick to get us something to drink. I told Spence it could be worse, it could be raining, and he freaked out about not saying that because some weird freakish storm would find it's way into our unfortunate situation.

Thankfully, my brother-in-law showed up with a tow rope. It was a very short rope haha. Have you ever been towed? Let me tell you, it's kind of freaky. I was terrified we were going to hit the back of their truck the entire way home and Spence was a little too brake happy, it was quite an eventful ride. :]

Trying to get our car in the driveway was an experience! We got it stuck and our neighbor, Landon, had to come help us push it out. Now, our poor little car sits in the driveway waiting to get towed to Burt Brothers for a new timing belt. At least we weren't hurt, and we did learn a valuable lesson from this, NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT YOUR CELL PHONE!! Oh, and make sure it is charged, haha.

Pictures of Our Little Khoë

May 2011

Beautiful People

        When I was young, my biggest wish was to look like Angelina Jolie. In my eyes she was the epitome of beauty and perfection. I wanted perfect skin, long hair, full pouty lips, nice curves, the works. I think I just wanted to be movie star gorgeous for the attention it brings. Unfortunately for me, at that time I was in my "awkward" phase. I remember literally BEGGING my mom for fake colored contacts. Looking back I am a little embarrassed now. Don't get me wrong, I still think she is a beautiful woman. I would just rather be myself. It's true, there are things I wish I could change still, but I've come to terms with my body.

       I think this is a huge issue with many young girls today. I was watching a show on TV called "Toddlers In Tiaras" and it was so depressing. Their mothers put them in evening gowns, make-up and yes, even corsets. Their rib cages, lungs and other internal organs can't develop correctly from being constrained in the tight-laced torture devices and they end up having problems when they're older. The sad thing is, their moms are to blame. They are either has been wash-ups or insecure moms who want to show off their pretty children. How can you justify yourself? Is our society so superficial that they have a competition for TODDLERS which is meant for full grown women? Honestly, let your children have a childhood.

       On that note who defines what beauty is? I think it's someone who is comfortable in their own body, someone who isn't afraid to proudly show their flaws and still shine with self-confidence. It's a rare thing to see these days though. Even in high school I knew my fair share of girls with eating disorders, girls with major self esteem issues, and some who even went as far as to resort to plastic surgery. As women we are naturally beautiful. God made us in every shape, size, color and not one of us is the same as another. We are all unique, we all have something different to offer and we are all beautiful in our own way. So don't let the media tell you different. Accept yourself, confidence is what makes you beautiful. 

"People are like stain-glassed windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

"A woman whose smile is open and whose expression is glad has a kind of beauty no matter what she wears." -Anne Roiphe

My hero, who was beautiful inside .&&. out.

"The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows & the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years."  -Audrey Hepburn

Somebody Has to Say It.

         Marriage is no cake walk. There, I said it. It has nothing to do with commitment (trust me, we're committed), but everything to do with the fact that relationships are hard. There are two different opinions, two people coming from different backgrounds, two TOTALLY different personalities, and all this is being mushed together. It's almost like a ticking time bomb and as a couple we have to fix/deactivate it before it kills us.. or we kill each other haha. I know most newlyweds are head-over-heels about their spouse and trust me.. I love my husband more than anything. But holy cow I want to smack him upside the head. I'm sure he feels the same way about 90% of the time. 

         We were married October 16th of 2010. I was two months pregnant at the time (Yes, for all you judgmental people out there we KNOW we did this in the wrong order.) Thank goodness for our wonderful and supportive family and friends, I honestly don't know where we would be without you. Definitely not where we are now.

         Anywhoo, six months later out popped our little Khloë-bug. If there is one thing I can say, it's that nothing puts stress on a marriage like a newborn baby. Once the sleep deprivation kicks in (not to mention my out-of-control hormones which include endless crying, grouchy glares and taking everything personally) it's enough to make you want to pull your hair out. For all you mom's out there who say your children are little angels who never cry, never fuss, never misbehave.. you're full of crap. All babies have their moments. Our baby just happens to have her moments at 2 o' clock in the morning haha lucky for her, she is just so dang cute.

         It drives me nuts when I'm feeding Khloë in the middle of the night and I look over to see that Spencer is fast asleep. This guy can sleep through ANYTHING, literally. If our baby makes the slightest noise I am instantly awake, she can be screaming her lungs out and it wont even phase my husband! I got fed up one night and punched his leg really hard and do you know what he did? Yelled "OW!" in his sleep and rolled over. Thankfully, he's gotten much better about getting up in the night. I was getting so sleep deprived that my milk supply started to dry up.. but, thanks to my helpful hubby waking up throughout the night and some tips from my awesome sister-in-law Nat (and largely thanks to SLEEP!) we're back in the milk production business.


         It makes me sad because although Spence doesn't get to see Khloë as often as I do, she is already a daddy's girl. It really is the cutest thing though.. she will turn her head every which way trying to find him when she hears his voice. She loves to cuddle on his chest and yes, she will even smile for him when he tickles her. (I will try to get a video of this because it is just that precious :]) 

         Even though our marriage isn't perfect and often times is filled with unnecessary stress, I wouldn't have it any other way. I married the best man in the world and our baby is a huge blessing to us. I know we messed up in the beginning but things are finally starting to work out. Spencer will actually get to bless our little booger in August and Khloë will get to go through the San Diego temple with us next March/April. I must say that even though we have only been married seven months, we've had to deal with a lot of crap.. we're slowly but surely getting to where we want to be. Through the tears, the fights, the screaming baby, the late nights and all that's in between we are building a stronger relationship.. and that is a VERY good thing. <3
        

Our Goal !

Hospital Drama - Bringing Home the Baby.

Khloë Isabell Clemens

As many of you know, I am now officially a mom. Crazy stuff.. We were so excited for Tuesday the 19th to roll around because we were scheduled to be induced at 7:30 am. For an induction you have to call the hospital an hour before your arrival to verify that they have a room for you. Unfortunately for us.. everybody decided to have their babies that morning haha. So we were told to call back at 8:00 which turned into 9:00. We were already frustrated at this point and hoped we would be admitted before noon. Finally they had a room for us and we began the induction around 12:30-ish. After ten hours of labor we popped little miss Khloë out in 23 minutes (the fastest birth for a first time mom my doctor has ever seen). You go Khloë-bug. :]

Spencer watched the entire birth, which is gross to me but he said it was pretty cool. He also got to cut the umbilical cord! Our little girl was born at 12:25 am on 4-20-2011, weighed 6 lbs and 12 oz, was 19.69"  long. We really didn't want to have her the 20th seeing as it's national pot day, but we were so happy to finally have her it didn't end up being that big of a deal. 

She was such an easy birth I didn't end up tearing. I had a small cut and I thank her for being such an easy delivery. The worst part of delivery happens after the baby is OUT. They have to press your stomach really hard to get all the blood clots out. I had an epidural and this seriously almost made me cry. 

The first night was amazing. She slept in our room next to my bed and I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. I'm sure I got about 6 hours of sleep during our 3 day hospital visit. The next morning they had to take her to the nursery because her body temperature was low and her glucose wasn't high enough. We could go in and visit her any time we wanted and I was in there every three hours to feed her. It didn't really hit me until that night when she wasn't in our room..

I kept hearing babies crying and I was so sure that it was Khloë. I was already a wreck from lack of sleep and just started bawling my eyes out because our baby wasn't doing so hot. I went into the nursery and she had been coughing up blood, had an IV in her tiny hand AND a feeding tube. I lost it. I think every nurse back there gave me a hug and told me everything was going to be alright, but when you see your baby like that it's the end of the world.

What ended up helping me was my sister-in-law Natalie. She told me her son had the same problem when he was born, he was an early baby as well. I look at Mac and he is healthy, happy and amazing. The pediatrician in the nursery knew I was freaking out and was doing everything possible to get her healthy so she could be back in our room. I'm sure everybody in the nursery was thinking they should raise my medication doses hahaha. 

The next night I went in around 1:00 am and she was under a light. Her belly ribbon levels were borderline Jaundice and they were just being careful. Luckily, I kept it together this time haha. 

Family helped out so much while we were in the hospital and even now, after we are home. Khloë is a healthy baby. :] I know that she needed all the hospital attention and I am so glad she got it and is doing great now. She is the cutest little thing and honestly, an amazing baby. I love her so much and I love my husband so much. Thank you for getting up with her in the night to let me sleep. I am such a lucky girl, in more ways than one.

I'd also like to say Happy late Birthday to our nephew Luca, who was a stillborn on 4-22-10. We love and miss you. You're always in our thoughts and prayers. We can't wait to meet you someday.. <3

Where do cows go when they want a night out? To the moo-vies! Bahahaha!

I have never been one to keep a steady journal. I have about six unfinished journals dating as far back as the year 2000. Impressive? I don't think so, Pathetic? Indeed. I figure with an online journal I can write about once a week and still feel pretty dang good about myself. But now.. what to write about? It's not a question of having something to write ABOUT necessarily, but something that is internet appropriate, friend appropriate, and family appropriate. 

As many of you know I am happily pregers. We are 36 weeks today and will possibly be induced at the end of the week, if not then the beginning of next week. (We set the date tomorrow) Now that is something to blog about. We started out with an extremely easy pregnancy. I had morning sickness twice, I was rarely nauseous, I was working and I was healthy. But then badda-boom badda-bing, blood pressure issues. To all the mothers out there who have had preeclampsia, I feel you. To those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about (I didn't until we were high risk for it haha) Here is the short version.

pre·e·clamp·si·a/ˌprē-iˈklampsēə/

Noun: A condition in pregnancy characterized by high blood pressure, sometimes with fluid retention and proteinuria.

Pretty much, when you have high blood pressure your blood vessels constrict. I know many of you are thinking "Duh, Britt. I wasn't born yesterday." But the problem is, our placenta is primarily made up of blood vessels. So if that constricts.. it's bad for baby. Very bad. It causes the placenta to separate from the uterus. Gross, I know. Untreated preeclampsia can progress to eclampsia, a life-threatening situation for both mother and fetus which can bring on a coma and seizures. My friend had her son at 32 weeks because of preeclampsia. We have been lucky to have held out for so long but our doctor doesn't want to push it, hence the induction. 

I am so grateful to all our supportive friends and family. We can't wait to bring our little Khloë Isabell Clemens into the world. I know the bed rest will have paid off in a couple of days. Thanks to my amazing husband who has the patience of a saint. I'm sorry for the mood swings, the endless crying and the keeping you up all night. You are truly amazing and I am extremely lucky.

*Just a little FYI, to get the "ë" on her name you just have to hold the alt key and on the numeric pad push 137. There, you can say you learned something new today. :] I hope you all have a fan-freaking-tastic day and weren't too bored with my preeclampsia lecture!

Keep your head up mamma cow, it's almost over.